I didn't write about this incident a month ago when it happened. I don't remember everything in the right order or everything that was said. There are things I am certain of though.
I was trying to explain the pain he makes me feel by equating it to him... Okay.... He cares about things and money in the same way as I think of caring and happiness. Aka what I feel when something I care about is being hurt, he feels similarly about an abject that he likes being idk, broken/hurt/injured. I doubt that makes sense.
Money isn't a thing that really matters to me. I know need it but I don't crave a lot of it. The smaller things, the free things, have always mattered more. That's not him though. He wants as much as he can get as easy as he can get it and doesn't seem to ever be able to be satisfied. I have money or I don't. I do with what I have. It has to be stressful for him. And annoying.
Dammit, I only write here when I'm drunk and I don't look over it after because I hate myself enough. It's hard to think and make things make sense. Grrr.
Okay, back to what I was saying. I tried to tell him, in a way he could understand, that his words and treatment hurt me similarly to the way something hurting his TV/computer monitor would. I was trying to make and point and explain that we see things differently and that I understood (or was trying to) how he felt.
He laughed at me. I called him horrible and an asshole for laughing at me while I desperately tried to make him understand. I took his monitor thing and tried to knock it over and onto his desk. He caught it just before. I wanted to prove my point after he laughed. Between me knocking over and him catching the screen it messed it up and for some lines on it.
He called me a cunt.
I wrote this in April but I didn't publish it. I thought there was more to say but didn't have the words.
