November

     I want to document everything, but I see that I didn't put this down. My camera says November 15, 2022. 

I was upstairs for some reason, idk why now. I saw a kit in the closet for cleaning guns and asked him what that was about. He said that he'd gotten a pistol. He had traded some tires for it. I told him that I didn't want a gun in my house, I didn't trust him with it. I wanted to personally get the thing out of my house so I knew for sure it was gone.  

    He kept arguing with me saying he needed/wanted it for protection. (Wtf does he need protection from?) He then said he would get rid of it, he wanted to at least get some money for it. I don't give a damn if he makes money off it! I want this abusive narcissist to not have a gun to threaten me with and I want the peace of mind of knowing it's gone or destroyed. 

    He didn't like that.  I was yelling saying that HE is the type of person that shouldn't be allowed to have access to guns, because he is. He didn't like that I was yelling and making sense and being truthful about who and how is is. He then made fun of me for my recto-vaginal fistula. Called me gross. As if my genitals are who I am. Then he closed himself in the bathroom because he knew that was fucked up and I would be pissed. 

    I tried so hard to break the door open. I even picked up a small but thick vase and tried to break in. I wanted to hurt him so much that he begged me to stop. Like he's done to me so often.  

   He opened the door and started being angry at me for hurting the door. As if I should've been being calm and cool. I kept on about the gun and he'd had enough.  He body slammed me, sat on my chest and pressed down with all his strength. He has his hand over my nose and throat and was trying his hardest to make me not be able to breathe.  I don't remember much after that. I may have blacked out. I'm sure he just went upstairs like nothing happened. At some point I took these pictures, but they were early on and my foot especially for way more bruised.

I Hope it Hurts

    I'm pretty sure I've got a concussion from him slamming my head into the our stone floor five times. I think I'll have a black eye too. But I think it'll be worth it because I bit the hell out of him and didn't let go for a good five seconds. I hope it gets infected like I was last time I let him touch me. 

     He called me a whore. Told me my pu$$y was disgusting. Said I was nasty. I've got a recto-vaginal fistula and it leaks sometimes. It's very small, I keep myself as clean as possible and have never gotten any sort of infection or UTI because of it. I have Crohn's and currently take Stelara once a month by injection and Imuran orally every day. Imuran works like a chemo drug and lowers my immune system. I am more likely to get an infection than most for that reason, but I haven't.  

    I've never done anything even remotely whore like in my life. That's just a pathetic man trying to say anything he could do to make me feel bad about myself. Probably because I don't want anything to do with him, especially sexually. Yet he still thinks he's better than me, or superior in some way. In my eyes he couldn't be more pathetic and I'm glad he's finally starting to see it.

    I told him that I don't want him within ten feet of me. Later I asked where the garage bags were that I'd ordered from Walmart, I'd ordered different sizes but could only find one.  He came downstairs and said they were out of one that I wanted. I asked if he was ten feet away from me and said he needed to be. This narcissistic ass immediately goes to " we weren't ten feet apart on the stairs" when I was telling him that my pu$$y might be gross but I still didn't want him and neither did the women he jacks off to.  He's beaten my ass, said things that he volunteered were too far, I didn't call the cops for help when I definitely should've... and his loser ass is still cocky and persnickety enough to say shit like that.

   I feel like I've in a car accident and the feeling is completely familiar. I've been here so many times that I know it well. His ass is upstairs just snoring away. And he tries to convince me that he's the victim. 

It's been about two hours... The picture doesn't show it well, but it's getting to be quite a pretty blue color around my eye.

Purpling up and closing now.

I woke up to this.

About a quarter of my tooth fell out while I was eating. How the hell am I going to explain this to a dentist.

   He came home from work, got us some Wendy's, went outside to get high then went upstairs to play video games and grief on people. Not a care in the world just thinking about himself and trying to have himself some fun. He tells me he's sorry.