Pot

      My husband keeps bringing his pot into the house for storage. I hate that he smokes (that's a whole bunch of bs for another time) and it gives me a headache. I have issues with my nose as it is and I have a headache almost every day. I need to go see a Dr about it because I think I need surgery. 

     I keep telling him to keep it outside in the shed at the very least if he insists on be a pothead. The smell of it gives me a migraine. He says okay that he's sorry, blah blah blah, then does it again. I make my case again. I don't like that you smoke as it is, but you're bringing inside my home and in my face AND giving me a headache.

     Finally I told him if it happens again I'm getting rid of it. He again says the sorry speech. He does it twice more. I finally took it. I left a note saying that I'd given him many chances. 

     He threw my clothes out the window and into the rain. He took all of the alcohol. He took things that help me sleep.  I didn't flush or burn it like I said I would, I only hid it. I knew that he would try to make the point that I couldn't smell it because it was in a jar and a bag. But I can. He can't.  I put it in a cabinet by the bathroom that we walk past all day long. I smelled it every time and took pain meds for the headache it gave me.  

     He was clueless. He was also a fucking asshole having mantrums the whole time until I told him it was just hidden.  Then he started being Mr Understanding. Obviously to get what he wanted. I spent hours explaining how I was hurt and why I had done it. He said he understood and really wanted to make it up to me. He didn't do anything.

     Today, two days after I took it, he walks into my room and tells me that he thinks he's learned his lesson. I reminded him why I took it and that I didn't feel better or like he understood that he hurt me. Basically the stuff I'd already told him.  He didn't like it. He stormed off yelling. I don't really remember what he said. 

    He went into the next room and played on his phone while continuing to make me out as being cruel to him. I turned the light on so I could explain AGAIN my reasons and defend. He turned them off and continued trying to make me feel bad. I wanted to be able to see the person accusing me of being abusive, so I turned it on again.  He jumped up and broke the bulb to the light and blamed me for it.  

    He kept going with his mantrum and blaming me for his actions, telling me I was just being mean to him but taking his pot.  Everything he had said he understood yesterday was just a lie. He was just trying to manipulate me by being understanding. Today he chose to manipulate by be aggressive and hateful.  

    I really need to get my health under control, get a job and a place to live so I can get away from this narcissistic asshole.  I am not wonderful. I'm not gorgeous. But I try to be fair and I try to be a good person. I should've actually thrown his pot out after so many months of chances. He wouldn't have given me another chance. 

    I never have any warning for how he's going to be. I'm always scared when he's here. I'm always thinking things through, like how will I explain to him my reasons for doing stuff. Literally anything. I had a chair in front of the door because I needed it out of the way for a bit, and I was actually worried about how I would explain why it was there.  That's just the thing I can think of right now. I shouldn't have to feel like that. I shouldn't have to explain my every action. Especially to a man that doesn't care how much his actions hurt me and never gives me an answer. 

     He tells me that I'm abusing him.